hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i now understand why vodka
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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