YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
