Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
