oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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