i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
