Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
