I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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