Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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