It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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