im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
