I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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