At least make sure they are 18
Why
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
