Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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