There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
