His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
