So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
