Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
