i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
