good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
