I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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