PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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