life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
