Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Randomize
