literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
