I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
