Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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