Soap is not a condiment
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
