Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
