I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
