so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
