I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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