So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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