Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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