God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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