hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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