my phone needs a breathalizer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
