If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
