Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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