I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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