Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
