was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
