I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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