Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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