I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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