Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
