I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
