he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
