Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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