Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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