I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
