I love black thongs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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