I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
