Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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