Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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