he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
