He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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