I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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