And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
