Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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