You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
