Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
