I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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