Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
