We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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