Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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