Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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