with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
