I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize