dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
