so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's rum buckets o'clock
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
