I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
only you would photoshop your dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Operation Purity has been aborted
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
