So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
