You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
