Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
