how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
