After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
