yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
